Skip to main content

First Session

My first session was coincidental. It happened on a Monday, early April. During the weekend I was so messed up, I couldn't sleep well, which really then messed my emotions. I was heavily thinking of A. I was confused. Why am I feeling this way? This isn't love, but it goes far beyond infatuation. It's already more than one and a half year, and he's still stuck in my head.

So I looked up the internet. Types of love. Kinds of love. Then I found this term: limerence. I kept browsing, it got more interesting. Then I found limerence.net, which 98% of what's described there fit my conditions. Now I know what's happening to me. I was sick, heavily addicted, to love.

Luckily, I can get a session with the psychologist the next day. I printed out the pages, ask her to read them. Then ask her how I can be healed.  How does she cure people with addiction? How can I get A out of my mind. How can I be sick like this? You know why? Because limerence is love addiction.

She said that there are some mainstream ways to cure addiction, but she need to assess me some more. In the article, it was mentioned that it mostly happened with growing up having a narcissistic parent, I tried to explore that but she said considering I grew up as a pretty much healthy and normal being, she didn't think it was the main reason. I agreed, my parents were just a bit narcissistic, like most parents anyway, so that's not the core issue. But she agreed that this will have something to do with the relationship with my parents.

We talked a lot about my parents, but it didn't get concluded. Still lot more to dig. Also there's another client waiting so we discussed ways to stop the addiction. Basically there's three ways. A total full stop, a No Contact, says the limerence article. Flooding method, where clients got exposed  in the substance in high dose high enough to make them feel so sick they don't want the thing anymore. And last, slowly but sure behavioral intervention, combined with replacement drugs.

I'm not sure I can do the first one, but I said I'd give it a try.

She also said I shouldn't be in a rush, because it may harm me more. I just have to make sure to choose a method of therapy, to help me process my mind and my emotions, on a daily basis. That's how I choose to write again. And to give a push for my self, I joined a one month blog writing contest.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

19

Sejak kapan saya suka angka 19? Mungkin sejak SD, sejak kenal bilangan prima. Ya, 19 adalah bilangan prima, yang istimewa, berdiri sendiri, tidak memiliki bilangan faktor, tidak bisa dibagi bilangan lain selain satu dan dirinya sendiri.  Sejak itu, sepertinya angka 19 selalu punya makna tersendiri untukku. Salah satu kecenganku waktu SMP ultahnya jatuh di tanggal 19, walau sekarang aku sudah tak yakin, bulan Januari atau Februari ya hahaha.  Kalau dipikir, umur 19 juga istimewa karena mulai kenal @hysa. Apalagi setelah sadar kalau dies natalis fakultas kami selalu jatuh di tanggal 19 juga, tepatnya 19 September dan untuk di universitas 19 Desember. Begitu juga dengan beberapa tanggal wisuda kampus, selalu dijadwalkan di tanggal atau sekitar tanggal 19, empat kali dalam setahun. Tak heran juga akhirnya ketika mencari satu tanggal istimewa pengikat janji di musim kemarau, kami jatuhkan di 19 Juli. 190709 Bukan, ini bukan tulisan tema anniversary. Sekadar lintasan ide mengisi wak...
Post a Comment
Read more

Perpetual Sadness

Dari Rabu atau Kamis denger pertama kabar Nanggala, hatiku remuk. Secara logika udah kuat banget dugaan mereka ga akan selamat. Kesedihan mulai merayapiku. Mulai kerasa sedih ga jelas Ga mood ngapa-ngapain Rasa kehilangan akan entah apa Kebayang kamu ga ada Hatiku lebih remuk lagi Kalo sampe itu terjadi Mulai muter lagu2 sedih Lagu Linkin Park paling kena sih Mungkin karena Chester nya Mungkin karena walau sedih tetap terasa kuat Menambah rasa ironi Sabtu malam dinyatakan tenggelam Ucapan duka bertebaran Rasa sedih menyeruak Minggu lebih banyak berita detail Ditemukan terbelah tiga Memuncak sedih ini Rasa kehilangan yang besar dan dalam Berusaha menghibur diri Namun dengan rasa bersalah Karena sepertinya dunia malah baru mulai berduka Tapi aku sudah hampir tenggelam Dalam kesedihan Mulai nonton dan baca berita berita analitis terkait, berusaha merasionalisasi kenyataan Tak terhindarkan Di luar kendali siapapun Lepaskan Ayo lanjutkan hidup
Post a Comment
Read more

Understanding and Curing Limerence

(Excerpt from limerence .net , nothing was written by me) The phases of limerence Like other addictions, we see limerence originating from early life psychological wounding. We use it to fill a hole in our soul.  We  describe  limerence as the mother of all distractions and when working with clients in limerence we are  curious to uncover what is it the person avoiding dealing with?  So often there is deep unresolved emotional pain. The client has protected themselves by covering their hearts over the years and decades with layers and layers of reinforced concrete.  This was a survival mechanism necessary from growing up in a dysfunctional and often narcissistic family system. The reality is limerence never lasts – typically it spans from 6-36 months. Just long enough for us to pair-bond and continue the survival of the species. Recent advances in neuroimaging and neurochemistry are now mapping out these pathways for romantic love. We als...
Post a Comment
Read more