First Session

My first session was coincidental. It happened on a Monday, early April. During the weekend I was so messed up, I couldn't sleep well, which really then messed my emotions. I was heavily thinking of A. I was confused. Why am I feeling this way? This isn't love, but it goes far beyond infatuation. It's already more than one and a half year, and he's still stuck in my head.

So I looked up the internet. Types of love. Kinds of love. Then I found this term: limerence. I kept browsing, it got more interesting. Then I found limerence.net, which 98% of what's described there fit my conditions. Now I know what's happening to me. I was sick, heavily addicted, to love.

Luckily, I can get a session with the psychologist the next day. I printed out the pages, ask her to read them. Then ask her how I can be healed.  How does she cure people with addiction? How can I get A out of my mind. How can I be sick like this? You know why? Because limerence is love addiction.

She said that there are some mainstream ways to cure addiction, but she need to assess me some more. In the article, it was mentioned that it mostly happened with growing up having a narcissistic parent, I tried to explore that but she said considering I grew up as a pretty much healthy and normal being, she didn't think it was the main reason. I agreed, my parents were just a bit narcissistic, like most parents anyway, so that's not the core issue. But she agreed that this will have something to do with the relationship with my parents.

We talked a lot about my parents, but it didn't get concluded. Still lot more to dig. Also there's another client waiting so we discussed ways to stop the addiction. Basically there's three ways. A total full stop, a No Contact, says the limerence article. Flooding method, where clients got exposed  in the substance in high dose high enough to make them feel so sick they don't want the thing anymore. And last, slowly but sure behavioral intervention, combined with replacement drugs.

I'm not sure I can do the first one, but I said I'd give it a try.

She also said I shouldn't be in a rush, because it may harm me more. I just have to make sure to choose a method of therapy, to help me process my mind and my emotions, on a daily basis. That's how I choose to write again. And to give a push for my self, I joined a one month blog writing contest.