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System

I am mentally healthier now. Nothing superb. But relatively happy and content.

In scale of 1 to 10, I would say at year 2015 I was on scale 0.5 or the most 2. I wasn't "that" suicidal so I won't brag being in zero point.

2016 was progressing from 3 to 5. Just watching you passed by helped a lot you know... You were my sunshine after the rain

And this past three months, I can safely say I'm almost always between 5 to 7, and never below it.

I never thought fighting depression will be this gruesome.
That happiness was something I have to strive for. Well..not even happiness, just being plain not unhappy...
Simply being alive was a fight.

Now that I'm healthier, I'm facing a bitter truth
I need to heal myself by myself
To be healthy without drugs
To be sane without (even) thinking about you
I need to get you out of my system

So here's what I do, I know I have to deliberately not looking at ur profiles, but it was not as easy as i thought

So in my head, I plan a series of things I do to say goodbye
I need to write a goodbye notes
Prepare a goodbye present
Maybe set a goodbye meet up n dine

I need to appreciate everything you gave me
The feelings, the emotions, the beauty
The energy and enthusiasm that you vibrate
The smile oh your wonderful smile
All the blessings God sent through you to saved me

Then
I have to let (my bonds with you) go
Let go of all the mixed feelings
Of all the images of you stuck in my head
Of the illusion and imagination
Of my despair and sadness

It's so damn hard!
I've let people go before, you know
But it was because it's problematic
I had issues with them

But you
You're just fine
I don't have issues with you
You're sweet and kind, also witty and adorable
I don't expect anything from you
Still I can't get you out of my head

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