Skip to main content

My Limerence

I need a dedicated post to explain and show what limerence is. At least what it means to me, and how limerence affected me.

For me, it was first and foremost: infatuation.
It was definitely infatuation. The craziness, the irrational thoughts, the "this doesn't make any sense"-ness. The sensation my body experienced. The physical sorrow of parting. The unexplainable surreal atmosphere. As if I was living in another dimension every time a slight view or thought about you crossed my head. Limerence was simply crazy.

Limerence is also about adoration. Where you are the most perfect being in the world. And every each of your weaknesses will only motivate me to find other side of it. People say you're childish, but I see that as pure youth spirit, to be carefree and fearless. Some of your acts can be seen stupid, silly and plain mindless. But to my eyes, you're just being yourself. Witty, damn smart, and plain honest.

To adore you was my grand illusion. And that I will do anything to cherish you, take care of you, shower you with gifts and presents, anything to put a smile on your face. Limerence fill my heart with warm juicy liquid.

But limerence is also something way beyond infatuation or adoration.

Last but not least, limerence is about being addicted to something untouchable and unreachable. It's not like being addicted to drugs, or even coffee or chocolate. It's not running in my blood yet fully fill my head. I'm not getting any substance in my body, but I'm addicted like hell. You can prison me til starving but it will still be inside of me. It's very dangerous because nobody can take it away from me.

------

I found a song, especially with Leroy's cover, that explains limerence the best. All the emotions, confusions, addictions.

All The Feeling

Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
Trying to find the truth,
Sometimes the heart is deceiving

Can't get out of my head, and I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I'm crazy
In love with you. Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

this kid

For her upcoming 8th birthday, she have everything plan out. (Most probably an Intuitive, yup, since her birthday won't be here until another two months). She already plan how it will be celebrated. Her father and I never celebrate our birthdays so her images of birthdays are definitely not from us. She plans what she wants to eat. Quite anti mainstream because she requested "nasi and kremesan". She plans when it will be held (not on her actual birth day because she wants to celebrate it with her cousin and relatives in her father's hometown). She also plans who she is going to invite. What amaze me the most is she has this idea that her cousins will give her presents which she already has prepared earlier herself. So today I drove her to this stationery store, not a fancy one, just one near her school. She then bought pretty much everything she needs and wants for her birthday. She choose the cute stuffs she wants as her present, pick the pretty boxes and bags to put...
1 comment
Read more

Understanding and Curing Limerence

(Excerpt from limerence .net , nothing was written by me) The phases of limerence Like other addictions, we see limerence originating from early life psychological wounding. We use it to fill a hole in our soul.  We  describe  limerence as the mother of all distractions and when working with clients in limerence we are  curious to uncover what is it the person avoiding dealing with?  So often there is deep unresolved emotional pain. The client has protected themselves by covering their hearts over the years and decades with layers and layers of reinforced concrete.  This was a survival mechanism necessary from growing up in a dysfunctional and often narcissistic family system. The reality is limerence never lasts – typically it spans from 6-36 months. Just long enough for us to pair-bond and continue the survival of the species. Recent advances in neuroimaging and neurochemistry are now mapping out these pathways for romantic love. We als...
Post a Comment
Read more

Third Session

The third session of my therapy was unplanned, as usual. I never set up an appointment, just using canceled sessions of students. At first, I told the psychologist that I haven't sleep well these pas few days. It's hard for me to fall asleep. Or,  I finally slept then got awake in the middle of the night, then kept awake for no real reason. I told her that when I couldn't sleep or wide awake, I'd be thinking about him, A. I'd be delusional, playing up ideas of scenes with him, or plain reeling images of A right inside my head. Then I'd be so tired I will actually fall asleep. I told her that Friday I caught a glimpse of A strolling about. I felt okay that time, just happy to see he's okay and all. But then Friday night I started to feel anxious, like sorrow inside me grew heavily. I got insomnia until morning. I told her that my heart is filled with deep longing of him. I miss him so much for no apparent reason. Who the hell is he, how can this be, and why...
Post a Comment
Read more