Ramble Me This

Saya lupa tepatnya kapan, mungkin akhir 2008. Tapi saya masih cukup ingat percakapan kami saat itu. Kami baru saja beli cemilan di mbok jajan yg mangkal antara GKU dan FH, sekadar keluar sejenak dari ruang kantor jurusan. Lalu memutuskan duduk di tepian gedung sambil mulai makan. Satu pembicaraan menuju pembicaraan lain, dalam konteks kami berdua sama-sama sedang dalam hubungan menuju pernikahan, tiba-tiba dia bertanya, "Apa yang membuat Mbak yakin kalo dialah orangnya?". Sejenak kuberpikir lalu menjawab, "Pada satu titik, keyakinan itu datang begitu saja. Karena aku yakin di penghujung hari nanti dia tetap akan di sana." Entah dari mana jawaban itu keluar saat itu. Mungkin dari caranya mencintaiku. Mungkin karena dia pernah berkata bahwa apapun yang terjadi, dia tidak akan menyerah dan pergi dariku (lebih dulu). Mungkin karena setelah hampir empat tahun, saat itupun saja aku masih saja mabuk dopamine. Mungkin. Satu yang jelas, Allah mengirimnya untuk menolongku men...

For her upcoming 8th birthday, she have everything plan out. (Most probably an Intuitive, yup, since her birthday won't be here until another two months). She already plan how it will be celebrated. Her father and I never celebrate our birthdays so her images of birthdays are definitely not from us. She plans what she wants to eat. Quite anti mainstream because she requested "nasi and kremesan". She plans when it will be held (not on her actual birth day because she wants to celebrate it with her cousin and relatives in her father's hometown). She also plans who she is going to invite. What amaze me the most is she has this idea that her cousins will give her presents which she already has prepared earlier herself. So today I drove her to this stationery store, not a fancy one, just one near her school. She then bought pretty much everything she needs and wants for her birthday. She choose the cute stuffs she wants as her present, pick the pretty boxes and bags to put...

Loving you is as simple as one two three      You are so easy to be loved       Lovable in so many ways Loving you is like loving myself       Not only that it feels like loving myself, but Loving you helps me keep loving myself       From one bad day to another Loving you helps me love others       When my temper can't stand them around Loving you is loving me

It seemed like for years my life was on a race And I was always on my 3rd or 4th gear Then suddenly I crashed And ever since Not even to put on the high speed I can barely walk fast Do I even need to run I just wanna walk right now Somewhere somehow

Four years ago, today would be unimaginable. That was when I was at the bottom of my depression It was when nothing matters anymore Everything was meaningless And the reason why I could push myself to work everyday was the hope of seeing a glimpse of you that day Up to a point when I realize my working condition was no longer ideal. And it's not doing good for my depression. I realized that I need to move out, resign, bail out. But I postponed. I kept saying to my close friends that I'll hold on, I'll stay a bit longer, just to see him graduate. Yes, that's you. But it had only got worse. So, I had to leave. Fast forward to this day. Being here for your graduation. Congratulate you, shake your hand, take pictures with you. All the worry and doubt flies away. Riding home I felt nothing but joy and grateful. I genuinely am so happy and proud of you! Thank you for tolerating me all these years You're still a God-sent angel for me Thank you

So we can buy stuffs to distract us from our miseries or somehow hope that will fill the void. So we can afford tickets to far away destinations, running away from a place we never call home.

I love big trees So magnificent More ever with blue sky as the background I wonder should I make it a hobby You know.. Hunting big trees Finding their names The story behind them They give me the sense of strength Of surviving one day at a time Of waiting the sun for its warmth