Ramble Me This

So we can buy stuffs to distract us from our miseries or somehow hope that will fill the void. So we can afford tickets to far away destinations, running away from a place we never call home.

I love big trees So magnificent More ever with blue sky as the background I wonder should I make it a hobby You know.. Hunting big trees Finding their names The story behind them They give me the sense of strength Of surviving one day at a time Of waiting the sun for its warmth

If there's such thing as a different universe I would've flown to where you are I would've showered you with hugs Would've rub your back, pat your shoulder, and comb your hair with my fingers

In between classes and meet ups, i miss you Along scrolls of timeline, I miss you In seconds Or minutes Here and there Now and then I miss you 

Let's call it a premature mid life crisis A time in my thirties When everything goes everywhere Or in another term Goes nowhere A time when things are pretty much "it" All the excitement has wore down Nothing big to anticipate Maybe it's too much to say Everything's downhill from here But it's probably true Not that I'm not grateful I'm just being realistic Maybe I had too many adrenaline in the past So life's now seems so dull Happiness and fun comes in very different sizes, boxes and colors Maybe I'm just not ready yet To get tiny pale yellow boxes every other day When deep inside I'm still waiting for that big shiny rainbow box Life can never be as fun and thrilling as it was before Or can it?

I was always bad at goodbyes. This is Akak, a black and grey male cat roaming around our house these past few months. We fed him almost everyday, out of compassion, but never really consider him as a pet. After considering a handful issues (mostly whether he'll be accepted by Luki and Kuma), we decided to seriously adopt him last week and bringing him to the vet to be spayed. But God has other story written. Last Thursday, just one week after the conscious decision, since morning he threw up several times and refuse to eat and drink. I was shocked and shivered, reminded of what happened to Lian, my cat who died because of cat flu a decade ago. We brought him the vet and got him hospitalized for the night. The next morning, the blood test result came out, he's positive of panleukopenia or cat flu. This virus is so evil, it is known to took away lives in just days. I cried that afternoon, regretting not vaccinate him earlier. The vet kept updating us for his condition, and th...

Tomorrow's my last day of being an office worker. What do I feel right now? Relief. Of not having a big system above me. Rushed. Of moving out files and stuffs Longing. Starting to notice what I'll be missing. Poised. As if time stand still in this place. Anxious. Of the challenges ahead. I'm still breathing. I'm alive.