Ramble Me This

So I guess this is it I'm leaving I was ill, insane, and so messed up My feelings for you was true, it was real But it was wrong It was a delusion Something I create in my mind to protect myself Part of curing myself is to accept that I was wounded That I need to grieve, to heal my scar You came to my life and saved me from despair You were brought here by universe to teach me But not to be my saviour Because I have to save myself I couldn't imagine staying any longer Without prolonging my addiction Without seeing you, even for a glance So somehow I know I have to go There are dozens of reason why I have to go And my limerence to you is one of it It's almost two years godamit You're just too good to be true My mind is too addicted That even if I try so hard not looking for you or at you Just a glimpse of you shattered my defenses This letter is hopefully my last one I am resigning, so you don't have to worry About seeing me on campus next s...

.... While some issues may never be completely resolved, learning to love yourself, and understand that you are worthy no matter what, will finally free you to have healthy relationships that are truly fulfilling. Treatment For Love Addiction The core element of treatment, however, is the psychological side. For people suffering from love addiction, this often involves addressing and coming to terms with the parental abandonment that led to the issue. The process can be challenging and time-consuming, but this is the only way to truly get to the root of the issue and help the individual get better and learn to have healthy relationships. This is done through groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), which apply the 12-step approach. This is group therapy—enabling sharing with and learning from others with the same (or similar) issues—but more traditional one-to-one treatment is also often incorporated into treatment programs. One-to-one counselors should be spec...

The second session happened around end of April or beginning of May. It was few days after flooding myself with A. We were both working/in charge on a dept.event. I'd be looking at him from afar, between my duties that day. He was gorgeous as usual. Though with rather unusual match of batik and sneakers. Haha. We'd have encounters but I can sensed he avoided talking to me. That's okay. It kinda hurt a little but I can bear with it. It will be awkward anyway, and I might have a heart attack. Haha. But I disillusioned myself, clearly. I for one was purposely trying to get his attention by chatting very actively with his boy-friends, and overdo my responses in some statements. Sigh. How pity of me. But I kinda think he's doing the same thing. There's one time. I was sitting quietly, holding my phone I guess, but not talking to anyone. He obviously knew I was right there. He's standing few steps from me but talking with one of his girl-friend. They were talking bl...

My first session was coincidental. It happened on a Monday, early April. During the weekend I was so messed up, I couldn't sleep well, which really then messed my emotions. I was heavily thinking of A. I was confused. Why am I feeling this way? This isn't love, but it goes far beyond infatuation. It's already more than one and a half year, and he's still stuck in my head. So I looked up the internet. Types of love. Kinds of love. Then I found this term: limerence. I kept browsing, it got more interesting. Then I found limerence.net, which 98% of what's described there fit my conditions. Now I know what's happening to me. I was sick, heavily addicted, to love. Luckily, I can get a session with the psychologist the next day. I printed out the pages, ask her to read them. Then ask her how I can be healed.  How does she cure people with addiction? How can I get A out of my mind. How can I be sick like this? You know why? Because limerence is love addiction. She s...

The third session of my therapy was unplanned, as usual. I never set up an appointment, just using canceled sessions of students. At first, I told the psychologist that I haven't sleep well these pas few days. It's hard for me to fall asleep. Or,  I finally slept then got awake in the middle of the night, then kept awake for no real reason. I told her that when I couldn't sleep or wide awake, I'd be thinking about him, A. I'd be delusional, playing up ideas of scenes with him, or plain reeling images of A right inside my head. Then I'd be so tired I will actually fall asleep. I told her that Friday I caught a glimpse of A strolling about. I felt okay that time, just happy to see he's okay and all. But then Friday night I started to feel anxious, like sorrow inside me grew heavily. I got insomnia until morning. I told her that my heart is filled with deep longing of him. I miss him so much for no apparent reason. Who the hell is he, how can this be, and why...

I want to love you Because I love how you smile at me Because you're a special being Because you're so filled with life I want to adore you Because you draw bold images You dance and jump with all your heart You have so many stories and ideas I want to cherish you Because you're a caring person An observant little human A strong-willed soul I want to take good care of you Because you're so precious Because you're destined for something big Because I believe in what you could be I want to kiss your sweet cheek To brush your hair with my fingers To look into your bright eyes And touch every inch of your beautiful face I want to hold you tight Because you give the sweetest smile Because you I want you to feel safe Because I want you to feel loved And all not just because You're my daughter

Sebenarnya apa yang mendorong orang -dan maksudku BANYAK sekali orang- mengadakan reuni beberapa tahun terakhir? Satu hal yang jelas, sejak meluasnya penggunaan media sosial, orang "berumur" (sudah punya cukup umur dan alasan) semakin mudah terhubung dengan kawan lamanya, dari berbagai tingkatan sekolah dan jenjang studi. Ini memudahkan mereka mengetahui kabar dan lokasi masing-masing, juga untuk mengkoordinasi acara reuni itu sendiri. Sejujurnya aku jengah dengan fenomena reuni ini. Kalau dulu, reuni itu dianggap layak disebut reuni karena dilakukan setelah sepuluh, dua puluh bahkan tiga puluh tahun sejak lulus. Sekarang, sepertinya setiap tahun ada saja acara temu alumni atau reuni. Malah jadi tidak istimewa menurutku. Secara pribadi, aku bukan peminat reuni. Kalau memang ingin kumpul dengan teman lama (yang tentu saja teman paling dekat tidak akan lebih dari sepuluh orang per tingkat sekolah), aku akan datangi mereka di rumah, mengundang ke rumahku, atau janjian bertemu...